A Guide to Vaping- The New Smoking for Generation 10 John Player Blue.
A pandemic is the perfect time to develop a new addiction
Vaping is being a smoker without being a smoker. You get to enjoy all the smugness and unwanted advice giving of a reformed smoker but manage to be even more annoying. You still get to hang out with all the smokers too. It’s like you get to keep you membership of the exclusive club without having to pay the diminished lung capacity fees (well, there is the Manhattan popcorn lung thing?). Like with the reformed smokers that went before it’s important that people know you are now a vaper. If surrounding yourself in a consent cherry cola vape cloud isn’t enough here’s what you can do to turn heads and more importantly turn the conversation towards you and the fact you are a fascinating vaper now.
1. Vaping is all about the accessories. With smoking all you need is a smoke and a light, and even at that if you’re stuck any young fella in a school uniform at a bus stop will have a box of matches if you ask him. With vaping, there are liquids, chargers, the e cigarette itself, coils- sure you’ll probably need a licence to have one by the time you read this. Anyway, I like to wear earrings with vaping liquid bottle stuck to them. In the hope that someone will compliment me on my unusual jewellery giving me the green light to bore them to near death about flavours and strengths and any unwanted wisdom I feel like piping up with
2. Because there isn’t the same restrictions with vaping (well there is but no one is going to know if you nip into the jacks in work for a quick vape) the auld e cigarette itself can become a more permanent feature on your lip than Popeye’s pipe. To ease yourself into the look it’s a good idea to apply dark blush to your cheeks. You’ll be sucking on the bad boy 24/7 so a gradually build up to the sunken face works best I feel.
3. E cigarette earrings may not work for all. That’s when the discreet e cigarette watch can be a live saver. I strap an e cigarette to my watch. When some asks for the time for example ‘Its 11.15, yes that is an e cigarette, let me tell you about it. That reminds me I haven’t have a puff off it in the last 40 seconds.
4. To bring it into the evening I tape my vape to my neck. It’s great for drawing the eye in and it frees up my hand then for a drink and all my vaping paraphernalia
(See how happy I am that I’m a vaper)
Where to Buy your Stuff
Buying vape products isn’t as straight forward as sending one of the kids off to the corner shop with a note simply saying ‘20 Carroll’s’. It can be daunting at first. Even as a new vaper you want information but are cautious not to get dragged down a vape worm hole conversation with the guy from IT who you think is called Tony or Tom but it’s been 2 years now and its too late to ask now
You can always just order the stuff online like a normal person. We all know human interaction is overrated. Sure look at the banks. They hate the auld so much they’ve practically gotten rid of the cashier completely. If you want to waste a day away at a counter head to the post office or nip down the social.
What Kind of Vaper Do You Want To Be
If you choose to become a vaper take the time to discover what type of vaper suits your personality
1.The Popeye as I mentioned before is a classic look. It’s a really easy look to pull off. The e cigarette will take up a residency on your lower lip. It’s important to keep your lips well moisturised though as they will dry out. There is also the danger of burning the shit out of your lip if the vape gets too hot. You can get little tiny blisters on your lips. Not necessarily a bad thing in the short term. With a right lip-gloss it can look like you’ve had a mini lip job. Then again you’ll probably end up wiping a lot of the gloss off with the vape and end up with a sticky vape. Anyway, it’s a great look it you’re looking for a new project
2. Always pissing about with it may suit your look and lifestyle better. If you’re terrible at charging your phone sure as shit you’ll be just as bad with an e cigarette. Letting it leak in a handbag, which handbag did you leave it in? Forgetting to bring liquid with you, dropping it, over filling it. All bodes well for being a wreck the head with your vape. For friends it’ll be reassuring that you haven’t suddenly gotten your shit together for this one thing.
3. End Up Using it but……
You get on board with it quickly. After a night out though the new habit has developed. You are telling everyone that you’re still on the vape and getting on really well which you are, but you are also still having your cigarette breaks. You are now consuming more nicotine than ever before. The constant look of nauseously buzzed may be detected by others partaking in the combo method in due course.
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